I am the Clough and I calls it how I sees it.

My name is Jack, and I'm from Wrexham, which I love to represent. I'm a student of Classical Studies in Newcastle University.

I have another blog, about an ancient hero fighting a wolfman. http://romulusvsthewolfman.tumblr.com/

Follow me if you got what it takes to read the opinions of a man described as "rum as fuck" by a drunk woman, and "pretty wise for a young person" by Turkish Ed (a taxi driver).


Anonymous asked
What's your favourite drink?

I am addicted to fizzy drinks. When I went to Uni, I didn’t have a constant supply, and I started having nightmares about Sprite. I can’t live without my fizzies.

However, they don’t get you very drunk, so I will have to go with the old Treble Vodka Orange, no ice.

Anonymous asked
Have you been to any awesome BBQs recently???? ;D

No. But I did go to a shit one.

Only joking! I’ve been to AN AMAZING ONE in Mac! Also I went to an amazing one at my Dad’s house.


I’m going back to Newcastle today, and in a work environment i will surely try to waste time by blogging on tumblr, so get ready for my old level of activity. I’m gonna miss Wrexham, but I am looking forward to seeing all the Dunstan Bloods and Craster Crips, as I havn’t seen them all Easter, bar one. His name is DAVE.

Dave threw a BBQ party in his lovely home, which sadly is in my least favourite county. I trained it from the safety and comfort of Wales across the barbaric wasteland that is Cheshire. It took me three hours to traverse that most vile corner of England, even though it’s probably only a 45 minute drive. The things I saw on that journey were horrifying, and it would be a crime for me to torture you with such descriptions.

Fortunately, I survived, and I arrived in Dave’s homeland, where I had been promised safety from the madmen of Cheshire. Unfortunately, none of our Bloods or Crips had attempted the journey. Well, maybe some of them did, because I’ve not spoken to everyone since. It could be that when I arrive in Newcastle tonight, I will be greeted with the sad news that one of my comrades did try to go to Dave’s, but was never seen again.

Anonymous asked
What's your favourite make of calculator?

WHAT!? I don’t know any! I’m a classicist!

Anonymous asked
What's your favourite sport?

Chess is up on the list because I never get out of breath while playing it, however it is not my favourite. My favourite is snowboarding. I love the feel the cold air on my face as I rush down a white mountainside, looking down at the forests and wilderness, waving at girls on chairlifts while I do my shit tricks. I also like cutting up skiers, flagging them and throwing snowballs at them because I am cool and they are geeks.

I have five more of these questions to answer! WHO KEEPS ASKING THEM?!


While I am in the mood, I think I shall dazzle you with the tale of my trip to France.

Will, a friend of mine, was going to visit his mother, who lives in France, and he decided to bring along some epic gangsters, including Dan, Lucy and myself, the most gangster of all. Me and Dan had forgotten sunglasses, so the first thing we did was buy aviators, (which barely left my face the rest of the trip). My first encounter with a genuine French person was while trying to purchase these glasses. Me and the people of France learnt an important lesson that made the rest of the trip much easier. French people generally do not understand English, and I do not understand French. 

Will’s mum’s house was an old farm house that was all done up fancy, with a swimming pool and everything, in the middle of vineyard country. It was beautiful, but us young people wanted to explore.

Our first destination was St Emilion, which is like something out of Assassin’s Creed 2. It’s famous for wine, and we noticed some bottles in wine shop windows worth thousands of Euros. We walked around and visited some nice buildings, like an old castle, a crepery and an ice cream shop. This was the first test of my French. It failed. Both the waiter at the crepe shop, and the ice cream lady laughed at me. However, they gave me what I asked for, which I think is something of a victory.

Later, in another town called Le Monblableh or something, I spoke to a frenchman in his native tounge, and he did not laugh at me! However he did say “Pardon?” and “Huh?” A couple of times. 


Over the Easter Holidays I have been playing Pokemon Black, which is AMAZING, and also one of the reasons I have not updated for nearly a month. Some other reasons include:

  • laziness and 
  • not being in much.

Pokemon Black/White is the best Pokemon game since the first generation. The rivals are actually proper characters, rather than just some dickhead who was apparently your best friend but seems to hate you. The gym leaders also have more personality.

It does have some bad points though, such as the fact that ALL THE POKEMON ARE SHITE. They look like cuddly toys. Some of them make Jigglypuff look masculine. By the fourth gym I had only found two wild pokemon worthy of being on my team. Luckily I traded most of my rejects for amazing old school pokemon, like Electabuzz, Magma and the slightly more recent but kick ass Heracross. BarraBug (my Heracross) carried the team on her back, and pretty much defeated Ghetsis, N and half the Elite Four by herself, earning her species the top spot in my list of favourite pokemon.

Another bad point is the main villain, Ghetsis. He has this irritating habit of pacing while he talks, however in Pokemon, people only talk when they stand still, so he keeps stopping mid speech to walk to the other side of the screen, and then carry on yakking about how he wants to rule the world or something. I don’t know what his ultimate goal was, because I didn’t read any thing he said.

Now that I am getting over Pokemon, I think I might start posting regularly again. I’m not promising though, because I can’t be sure of how much motivation I will maintain. Without enough, I won’t write anything. With too much, I might focus on my degree. You will all have to hope I maintain the amount necessary to write, but not work hard. If I keep this level of motivation, then you will all be hearing about my most interesting Easter adventures! Lucky you!


This is the reason i have not posted for so long. Behold, the tale of Manchester.

I got back from Stan Calvert celebrations early in the morning, and went on Facebook, and started talking to Alan, a friend from High School and College who is now in Manchester University. I was planning on going to Manchester on my way home to Wrexham, and then Alan asked if I wanted to go a day early to celebrate Beech’s birthday, large style. I accepted his invitation, and left Newcastle about 12 hours later.

Predrinks were nice. I had a bottle of Rose Wine, because the night before I’d had one for Stan Calvert because I was bored of beer and it had been well nice. This was a mistake. I went to Fifth and spent £30 on vodka. Also a mistake. 

Woke up in a strangely familiar kitchen. I had been there before, but was it Alan’s kitchen, or Aldo’s? Or it could have been any kitchen in Alan or Aldo’s building. The mystery could wait. I needed to chunder.

A man walked in, with a skinhead and a porters uniform. He started emptying the bins. I raised my groggy head, and he noticed me, trying not to laugh. I tried not to chunder again. I failed.

A couple of hours later, someone who looked like a student walked in. I didn’t know him. He ignored me and started making his breakfast. I was like “Exuse me, do you know Alan?”. He did, this was Alan’s flat. Mystery solved.

Went in Alan’s room and spent the next seven hours chucking in a bucket.

Stan Calvert

Last Wednesday was the end of the Stan Calvert Cup, in which Newcastle University and Northumbria University play each other at every sport in a massive all out battle of pwnage.

I don’t know what the score was but we got over double what they did, and like a good student I went out to celebrate. I usually explain what I did in a night out but I don’t really remember, so all this is rumour, courtesy of the guys I was out with.

  • I started on someone.
  • I stole someones mascara and drew all over my face/ someone else stole some mascara and I befriended them and they drew on my face.
  • Me and Chris turned me into a battering ram and pushed ALL THE WAY TO THE BAR AND GOT SERVED INSTANTLY. G.
  • Went to Salt and Pepper.
Anonymous asked
What's your favourite food?

My favourite food is free food that someone else has cooked for me.